


Alone

by Anny_the_Seal



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Comforting Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Hurt Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Other, Self-Harm, Strong Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Suicide Attempt, also also i should mention that it's only tagged major character death bc the ending is open, at this point that's going to be my most used tag, blame my brain for this, i have things i want to project okay, i really thought this was gonna be hurt/comfort but my brain went nooooooooooo you must Angst, if i do a second part i would like my main character to be alive so skdjflsdj, so like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:21:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anny_the_Seal/pseuds/Anny_the_Seal
Summary: Roman's so tired.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to reiterate what i said in my tags: "i really thought this was gonna be hurt/comfort but my brain went noooooooooo you must Angst, so like, blame my brain for this"
> 
> with that being said, take this mess of roman angst and me projecting
> 
> tw for su*c*de and s*lf h*rm
> 
> IMPORTANT: don't commit suicide. your life is worth more. if you're thinking about it, please please please talk to someone. i promise, they'll help. people care about you. don't do it  
> us national suicide prevention lifeline: 800-273-8255  
> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/  
> https://www.zamariajohn.com/blog/2019/9/9/100-reasons-not-to-commit-suicide

When Roman fell, he fell fast, and  _ hard. _

So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when he caught himself staring just a bit too long in a certain someone’s direction. Or when he would give possibly-maybe-free drinks to that someone. 

He really shouldn’t be surprised. This was  _ normal _ , he fell in love and out of love… pretty much constantly. 

So why,  _ why, _ had he sat in the corner of the break room crying when he should’ve been doing work. 

He _knew_ he wasn't going to be loved back, he _knew_ that. That he was too bothersome to even be considered, but.

It still hurt.

So he cried his eyes out.

He could've at least been more discreet about it. It didn’t matter that he would have been found either way, he should have done- done  _ something. _

(Was he glad he had been found? Yes. That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to complain about it.)

So now he was laying on the couch in his coworker’s living room, attempting to memorize the amount of cracks in the ceiling. It wasn’t that hard, seeing as there were none. His coworker- friend? He had told Roman that _yes they were friends, stop acting so sappy over it Princey_ , but. He could just be trying to make him feel better. Roman winced, and shook that train of thought away. He… was attempting to stop thinking like that. It was working. Possibly. 

Back to the topic at hand, his coworker was much too anxiety-riddled to even think about doing anything that could harm his apartment. Roman thought back to his, littered with small holes from- well, anything, really- and winced. 

Maybe he should start to develop at least a bit of cautiousness. 

Virgil took that moment to come into the room with two mugs of hot cocoa and plop down on the couch at his feet.

“Hey!” Roman yelped, attempting to move his feet back from when Virgil had sat on them. 

Virgil shrugged. “You snooze, you lose. ” Roman glared at him.

Virgil sighed, getting up so Roman could get his feet out from under him. In retribution, with his feet now finally free, Roman switched his spot so his head was on Virgil’s lap. Almost unthinkingly, Virgil ran a hand through Roman’s hair.

Roman almost arched up into the touch and purred like a cat, but stopped himself. Virgil would make fun of him for  _ weeks _ if he did. 

(Or he would make it a point to touch Roman as much as possible, which is what he had done when he had first learned Roman was touch-starved. Which he admitted was. Nice. But that wasn’t the point.)

Handing Roman a cocoa, Virgil sipped at his own, hissing as it burned his tongue. “Oh, and if it wasn’t clear, I’m  _ only _ being nice to you because you’re sad.”

Roman smirked, tried to hide his wince. He was being too sensitive. Virgil didn’t mean any harm- it was a joke. “Got it, Count Woe-Laf.” 

Virgil glared at him “I’m  _ serious _ .”

Roman curled his fist enough for his nails to break the skin. A  _ joke _ . “I’m sure you are.” He hoped as much bitterness didn’t seep through as he thought did.

Virgil nodded. “Yep. So,” He said, kicking his feet up on the coffee table- and dislodging Roman in the process, forcing him to sit up. “What happened.”

Roman looked away. “Nothing.” He mumbled. He wasn’t going to bother Virgil by dumping all his problems on him, especially when Virgil had just made it clear that he was only doing all this because he felt like he had to.

“ _ Princey. _ We both know that’s not true.”

Roman tried to think of a way to “It’s whatever. It’s not a big deal.”

Virgil sighed. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you. But,” He added as Roman turned away from him, gently pulling Roman’s chin towards him so he was looking Virgil in the eyes. “Just know I’m here for you, okay? For  _ whatever _ you need.”

Roman nodded, a sudden lump in his throat. “Thank you.”

Virgil smiled sadly. “It’s what I’m here for.”

With that, Roman sat up, leaving his now cold mug of cocoa behind him. 

He walked home alone. 

He was always alone, wasn’t he?

Some part of him, deep down, told him to call Virgil. He almost did, knowing things would get ad if he didn’t, but.

_ You’re bothering him you’re bothering him just leave just leave just leave why can’t you leave everyone alone why aren’t you  _ **_dead_ ** .

Roman flinched. 

The part of him that wanted him to call Virgil tried to get more insistent. It was drowned out.

_ Die die die die die die die die why aren’t you dead why haven’t you died already die die die die  _ **_die die die die die di-_ **

Roman almost walked into his door, not realizing he was already back at his house. He opened it numbly.

He went through the motions in a haze. Dig through the self care kit, attempt not to be distracted by all the things put in there that past him  _ knew  _ he would get distracted by, and find it.

Roman held the knife up, triumphant. Attempting to get through the layers that past him had put around it to make it harder to get to it, he nicked his finger on the blade.

A drop of blood spilled out of his skin, and he immediately wanted more.

He needed to hurt, he  _ deserved  _ to hurt, he-

The blade sliced across his skin.

It was routine at this point. Slice, slice, slice, clean up the blood, slice slice slice.

Roman let himself think. About how terrible he was, how bad of a person, how he should-

_ Die die die die die you should die die die die. _

Roman stopped cutting. How hard would it be to kill himself?

He knew the answer already. Hard. 

Most of the ways he was thinking about would fail.

But.

He could at least try.

\---==---

How was Roman going to do this?

He- he doesn’t think he could bear survival, but he also couldn't truly, unquestioningly see himself doing it.

But- he had to. He  _ had _ to, because he- he shouldn’t be living. He should be-

_ You should be dead. _

He should be dead.

Roman closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> oh, to be naive and think that this wasn't going to be too angsty. anyways hope you enjoyed!!! my tumblr is @annytheseal and please yell at me over there i want more friends
> 
> again: please don't commit suicide. you're worth more than that. i promise, people care about you and things are going to get better
> 
> also, an announcement: i may not be on here again. there are,,, a lot of things going on in my life rn and if i do come back, it's probably going to be a little while until i do. so stay safe, take care of yourselves, and i hope i'll be back!!! y'know what, while i'm doing this, i should add: @Galaga87 and @Penning_the_stars you two are wonderful and amazing and great people and i don't know why you'd want to read most of my fics but you have, and you guys always make my day
> 
> that's all for now, bye!!!


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